By Way of an Introduction

This is a picture of two dragons that I painted.

It’s not great.

But then again, I didn’t post it here to draw in watercolor enthusiasts, or even dragon enthusiasts.  The purpose of posting it on my welcome page is to show that if I can make something at least recognizable in an artistic medium that I don’t really understand and have never practiced, then it stands to reason that I must be much better in a medium which I’ve devoted myself to. I suppose that still doesn’t mean that I’m a good writer; even though I work hard to write well, I could still be terrible and you might hate everything here, but the point is that I feel pretty confident guaranteeing that everything you see in the site will at least be better than this painting of dragons.

So visit the Blog.

Attempted Portrait of Kristin–December 09

It’s not like Kristin sits down and poses for me to draw her.  Especially after seeing my first couple of attempts.  So when I want to draw her, I just have to wait until she is doing something that will keep her stationary for an hour or so.

The following portrait is one I like to call: Watching a movie on a beanbag chair.
 

Unfortunately, as you can plainly see.  I ended up drawing a boy on a beanbag watching a movie.  More specifically, I drew a Brett “lover boy” Dennen, minus the glasses.

But we still had plenty of time left in the movie.  She was still just sitting on the bean bag chair without moving, so I started again.  This time as I finished I realized that it looked more like a passionate Will Ferrell than like my beautiful wife, so I erased her hair and just let it be what it was going to be.

 

Hmmm.  I feel like there is a really profound statement about art in there.  Michelangelo once said of one of his sculptures that “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”   So what Michelangelo is saying is that the angel that I see in my wife is Will Ferrell.

That’s starting to sound more like Freud.

I guess the point that I’m trying to make is that I’m sorry that I’ve tried to draw so many pictures of Kristin.

Review of Bossypants

Bossypants

Tina Fey

Little, Brown and Company

275 pages

My mom always says that if she had met Bill Murray before she met my dad, she probably would have married him instead of my dad.  My dad just laughs.

My wife, on the other hand, says that if I had met Tina Fey first, I probably would have married her before I even met Kristin.

I only bring all this up because I am setting out to review her book, and you all should take into account that it’s kind of hard to be objective with someone that you almost married.

Problem:  I knew the problem before I even opened the book—Bossypants is celebrity memoir   Good nonfiction usually has a question that it’s not necessarily trying to answer, but rather, trying to articulate (look at Lauren Slater’s Lying.  It doesn’t answer anything, but does make me wonder about narrative and memory).  Celebrity memoir is generally only focused on, “how did I get so amazing.” Their writing does not have the same level of introspection and subtle exploration into the human experience that I look for in good nonfiction.

Solution:  Perhaps not in so many words, but I think Fey sees the same problem in celebrity memoir   And as such, she has made one of the missions of the book to satirize celebrity memoir and most bestselling nonfiction. She lists reasons why people read nonfiction and shows how her book fills each of these reasons.  Parenting advice: “Perhaps you’re a parent and you bought this book to learn how to raise an achievement-oriented, drug-free, adult virgin.  You’ll find that.”  In the list, she also explains how her book will address women in the workplace, and even spiritual allegory.  This self-conscious attention to celebrity memoir is the kind of absurdity we love from 30 Rock and and is funny and clever throughout the book.

However, there are times when she veers away from satire and absurdity and falls victim to the very foibles she is pointing out by giving actual parenting advice, office etiquette, or political tirades.  But I suppose if I’m surprised by some bossiness in a book called, Bossypants that’s my fault.

If you’re looking for a hilarious book, read this one.  If you’re looking for a good “how to” guide to feminism in the workplace, read this one.  If you’re looking for thoughtful inquisitive nonfiction, this might not be it.  But if you’re looking for a fun read and you also almost married Tina Fey, definitely read this one.

Attempted Portrait of Kristin October–08

Here’s the thing.  It was late 2008 and everybody was talking about Heath Ledger and how Maggie Gylenhol doesn’t look like Katie Holmes eventhough she was cast to play Katie Holmes.  So by drawing a picture of Kristin that looks nothing like her and in which Kristin is played by the If they mated of Maggie Gylenhal and Siobhan Fallon I was adding a subtle social critique of … something.  Also, it turns out I’m just not very good at drawing Kristin.


Attempted Portrait of Kristin–February 09

I like to draw and have a beautiful wife.

This is what Kristin Looks like.

That seems like a recipe for a great homemade Valentine’s Day gift, right?

However, In our recent move to Oklahoma, I came across a notebook with several attempted portraits of her that I had done a few years ago.  When I asked her if she remembered the portraits she said, “Yeah.  Those things forever haunt my dreams.”

As I looked through them, I realized that while they didn’t look much like Kristin, some of them did look quite a bit like celebrities and historical figures what have you.  So, I figured I should probably post one on here every now and again.

Kristin’s Nightmare

It turns out I accidently drew Charlize Theron from Monster

In my defence, this reductive charcoal is just a nightmarish medium.  It’s like claymation.  Anything you do in it it going to be terrifying.

Review of That’s My Boy

I’ve decided that I want to start including reviews of books and movies here every now and then.

So his is the first:

I have not yet seen Adam Sandler’s summer release, That’s My Boy, however, I have seen several other Adam Sandler movies. So, I feel qualified enough to write a comprehensive review of this movie.The best way for me to review That’s My Boyis to show how I think the movie was written.Enjoy my short film about the writing of That’s My Boy:

“THE WRITING OF THAT’S MY BOY: A SHORT FILM”

by

Brian Anderson

FADE IN:

Adam Sandler enters a room where John Turturro, Rob Schneider, Henry Winkler, and all those guys whose names I don’t know but are always in Adam Sandler movies stand.

ADAM SANDLER

I have an idea for a movie.

JOHN TURTURRO

Okay, let’s hear it.

ADAM SANDLER

It’s about an immature guy who is really sweet down deep, but who gets no respect because he never got a chance to really grow up.

ROB SCHNEIDER

So it’s kind of like Billy Madison?

ADAM SANDLER

No.  This one is different.

HENRY WINKLER

Like Happy Gilmore?

ADAM SANDLER

No.

JOHN TURTURRO

Like the Wedding Singer?

ADAM SANDLER

No.

HENRY WINKLER

The Water Boy?

ADAM SANDLER

No.

ROB SCHNEIDER

Big Daddy?

ADAM SANDLER

No.

JOHN TURTURRO

Little Nicky?

ADAM SANDLER

No.

HENRY WINKLER

All those recent ones that I can’t remember the names of and that I usually never finished watching which were also about a character with arrested social development?

ADAM SANDLER

No this one’s different.

JOHN TURTURRO

Well, that sounds like a terrific premise.  Let’s write a script.

All gather around a computer where Turturro types and the others dictate.

ADAM SANDLER

Let’s see.  Script script script.  Let me think…  I got it!  We’ll start with me, with a ludicrously hot co-star…

All lean in expectantly.

NICK SWARDSON

Yeah?

ADAM SANDLER

Then add lots of penis size jokes, some Styx references, maybe a funny accent and… um… I think we’re about done here.

ROB SCHNEIDER

How about a funny haircut?

Laughter by all.  Turturro continues typing.

ADAM SANDLER

That’s perfect.  I think we’ve got a script here.  We’ll start filming this afternoon.  I love owning my own production company.

As everyone stands from the computer, Adam Sandler’s love interest, Megan Fox, walks in the door.  Sandler stops everything and hugs her, indicating that his character has really grown up over the course of my miniature film and realized that he shouldn’t neglect his girlfriend or something like that.  Freeze frame when Sandler grabs Megan Fox’s bottom and winks at Turturro, Winkler and Schneider.  Queue Renegade by Styx.

FADE OUT:

THE END

Now I realize that harshly reviewing a film that I haven’t seen yet might seem presumptuous, or even mean spirited.  So please let me know if I’m wrong.  I’ve loved some of his movies and I would love to have a reason to watch a new Adam Sandler movie.

A Theory on Writing

Writing, or rather being a writer isn’t complicated.  It’s basically a series of decisions.  Some are obviously more important than others, but even small decisions can be important in a writer’s career.  Look at James Frey.

Should this conversation take place on the patio or in the kitchen?  How tall should I make this character?  Should I make Dumbledore a gay headmaster or just a headmaster?

Even a seemingly minuscule decision like how a character washes the dishes (a la Tobias Wolff’s “Say Yes”) can be the most important aspect of a story.  But I’ve finally made the most important decision in any writer’s career: if I ever get a book published, this is the picture I want to be on the inner flap of the book jacket.

Fancy Self Portrait

New Essay– Now 86% Less Shocking

I’ve just had a new essay picked up by a journal called “Apropos.” If I were to describe the essay in one sentence I would say that “Based on a True Story,” is about my best friend Travis and I and the intricacies of self-perception in an entertainment obsessed lifestyle.  In order to fulfill the requirement of my master’s program, I’m required to use the terms “intricacies,” and “self-perception” to describe anything I write.

The essay is actually just a bunch of jokes about 80’s movies and Saved by the Bell references.  Since it’s about 80’s movies, I guess my one sentence description of the essay is required to have a really sweet movie-trailer-voiceover line to really hook people in.  Something like, “These two buddies will have to find out what best friends do when everything changes.”  Or perhaps, “Sometimes the truthis the hardest lie to tell.”   Seven sentences into this d

Actual picture of preparing to watch a movie on my Laptop.

escription, here is my one sentence description of my essay: “When the collision of self-perception and obsession change everything, these two best buddies will have to find out that sometimes, the truth is the hardest lie to tell: intricacies.”

Anyway, after you read my essay, how would you make a trailer for it?  Drop your catchy movie trailer line in the comments (you don’t have to use academic buzzwords, unless your program of study also requires it.  Check with your advisor before submitting.)

One more thing, as you read my essay, make sure you click on the footnotes1.

1 That’s where the gravy is.

The Reviews are In

Me accepting the Northern Arizona Playwriting Award in late August. That same night I also won first place for most expressive forehead, and third place in the William Dafoe look alike contest. I was excited about two of the three.

Starting this week, two new essays of mine are being published by a magazine called Prick of the Spindle.  The first is called “Sprinkler Hose: Something Something Something Phallus Joke.”

“Sprinkler Hose” is an essay about going through puberty and sexual self-discovery as an LDS kid.  One reviewer said, “’Sprinkler Hose’ manages to treat this sensitive subject matter with both class and hilarity; and it manages to add a valuable point of view to an important discussion, which for the most part is ignored.”  That reviewer was me, so admittedly there is some room for some biases to creep in there, but in my opinion, I am right: it is great.

The second essay is called “An Essay on Craft.” This is a look into the writing process, and has been called, “the single greatest micro essay in the history of Brian’s Blog.”
So don’t take my word for it folks: the reviews are out there and they are unanimously positive (because I wrote them all).

So check the essays out, and leave me a blurb as a comment to this post.  Then maybe I can quote someone else besides me next time (this will be especially helpful if you happen to be a famous author).